tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-158719662023-11-16T12:03:34.695-04:00{the deep end}Realistic Memoirs of an Unrealistic Life.Tawnyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11282137644150719169noreply@blogger.comBlogger97125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15871966.post-35692561934409962212015-08-01T21:20:00.000-03:002015-09-07T21:50:00.313-03:00How Clean Eating Nearly Made Me Lose My Mind<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I knew better, but didn't have the money to do better. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Uh Oh.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This part was never mentioned in the books.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I know I have to do some upkeep so things don't fall apart...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Looking back, I realize....they already had.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I convinced myself that I had it covered, and just 'fell' of the wagon.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our family became accustomed to a healthy lifestyle.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I suppose I thought the money would simply come...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">To those who truly wanted to change.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What was I thinking?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That sentence above is a good indication of how fragile my mental state was.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I quickly became overwhelmed by information overload.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How would I extract what is useful and helpful to me?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Stumbling upon lots of contradicting information.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">These articles weren't telling me to ditch aspartame (we all know this).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">All of a sudden, real, wholesome foods were being demonized.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The more I read, the more confusing this all seemed.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Didn't I just write about the miracle of GAPS and the Anti Candida diet?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Were these not supposed to make all<strike> poverty and world hunger</strike> my problems go away?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Why in the heck was I still depressed if I completely stopped eating sugar?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Did this gut/brain connection not apply to me?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Which way is up?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The growing movement for extreme ways of eating was causing great torment.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Leaders of each dietary religion declared their method to be the ONLY road to optimum health.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Everywhere I turned there were articles on what to eat, and what to avoid.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dairy will kill you! Meat will kill you! Grains will kill you!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This<strike> was never easier and I will most likely struggle with food for the rest of my life</strike> used to be easier. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was now quite difficult.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My relationship with food turned sour.</span>Tawnyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11282137644150719169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15871966.post-369689285257896472015-07-15T00:12:00.000-03:002015-09-07T21:58:29.058-03:00Why Money Matters When Going Green<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You're high on life!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Juicing (and obviously posting photos on Facebook).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Making bone broth, and asking others for kefir grains.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Buying kegs of coconut oil.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Home made laundry detergent and body care products.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Like a sponge.....sucking up every little bit of information you read.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You can do ANYTHING!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The books tell you so.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Your naturopath tells you so.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm amazed and inspired too.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's different, but empowering.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Taking charge of my own health.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This feeling should never end.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Until it does.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The money runs out and you are literally <i><b>declined</b></i> from health.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Slowly....those nicely formed healthy habits become memories.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You take a shortcut one night in an effort to save a buck.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The next time you don't pick up that supplement.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Before you know it...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Your fridge and shelves look like an abandoned home on The Walking Dead.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I keep almost empty bottles to reassure myself that it's 'not so bad'.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And take comfort in the fact I can say I 'did it'.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Like waking up from a coma, I remembered the ease in my old ways.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Blinders up, buy anything, saving money.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ignorance was pure bliss! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Why would anyone want to live any other way?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Because when you know better, you do better.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Why would I not show myself a tad bit of grace?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I Crashed.....and there's more.</span>Tawnyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11282137644150719169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15871966.post-85920669417469409022015-07-02T13:58:00.000-03:002015-09-07T21:59:07.215-03:00After Three StrikesWhere it all began (for the fourth time)<br />
<br />
Yes <b>fourth</b>. <br />
The <b>first</b> (post postpartum depression) I though I'd get through.<br />
This just continued on as good old fashioned depression.<br />
I was medicated, un-medicated.....<br />
Unsure if any of it really worked.<br />
<br />
The <b>second</b>....you already know.<br />
Not ' My child is seven and I think he may be on the spectrum'.<br />
And definitely not.....<br />
'We eat at a fast food restaurant three times a week or else he will have a fit.'<br />
I'm talking about making the conscious effort to really make a difference.<br />
Claws out, critical thinking, miracle making.<br />
<br />
You enter a parallel universe.<br />
It's like the rest of the world is going on.<br />
You still speak the same language - pointless chats about the weather, sports, local news.<br />
The rest is different.<br />
Until it's not......and it's better. <br />
Not ideal, but better.<br />
Perfectly imperfect.<br />
You let go, you take on new things, even start to do things you once enjoyed.<br />
Until I was <strike>destroyed</strike> distracted by an illness that made me literally feel like I was losing my mind.<br />
<br />
Five years of confusion, hatred, resentment.<br />
Number <b>three</b>.<br />
Was this supposed to be a blessing in disguise? Because I was barely breathing.<br />
I could/can not handle Multiple Chemical Sensitivity.<br />
Does it make you clean up your act and live a healthier and safer lifestyle?<br />
Yes.<br />
Will life ever be the same?<br />
No.<br />
You say goodbye to everyone/thing you have ever loved.<br />
Getting rid of material possessions is easy.<br />
Losing loved ones is hard.<br />
<br />
So I <strike>completely didn't deal with it</strike> dealt with that.<br />
Became a crunchy mama. I actually became a little obsessed.<br />
Shaming people, taking a 'mightier than you' approach.<br />
It's all I had at the time. <br />
I even thought for a second I would sell essential oils.<br />
Multi Level Marketing companies make my skin curl.<br />
<br />
A wee bit of light appeared. I'm going to seize my opportunity.<br />
Leave all of it behind.<br />
The stress, the depression, the anger, the hatred, the fear....all of it.<br />
Not so fast. Enter number <b>four</b>.<br />
<br />
I won't even go into what I was like during this period. <br />
All I will say is that we rely heavily on our our income tax return.<br />
It equips our family for the year.<br />
We maintain some level of health. This is just how it is.<br />
<br />
One day my heart stopped.<br />
<br />
I saw the look of David's face as he spoke to the service agent from Revenue Canada.<br />
It was unlike anything I had seen before.<br />
All of it. Every little bit was used to pay off student loans.<br />
I guess making timely payments was not enough. <br />
How was this happening?<br />
<br />
And this, my friends is when my soul deteriorated.<br />
From here on out, I'm not even sure what I've said or done. <br />
It's all a haze. A very, very bad dream. <br />
<br />
My mind festered into the most grotesque thing in my body.<br />
<br />
But I'm still here.<br />
<br />
<br />Tawnyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11282137644150719169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15871966.post-15546933852607828972015-06-17T23:58:00.000-03:002015-07-03T00:02:38.418-03:00BrokenI'm not going to look at the date of my last post. <br />
I know it's been a while. .... too long.<br />
My shame, fear, and avoidance have kept me from venting, which is the one thing that helps.<br />
Last year I said this year would be better.<br />
I was wrong.<br />
I couldn't be more wrong.<br />
How did I end up here?<br />
<br />
<br />Tawnyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11282137644150719169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15871966.post-82495691089472835062013-03-18T12:37:00.001-03:002015-09-13T22:21:27.131-03:00Are You Still Out There?Apparently, I've had a complete change in my protocol and did not tell you about it. What was I doing you ask? Since September I was ~<br />
<br />
Wallowing in self pity (again)<br />
Eating everything that isn't nailed down<br />
Gaining weight<br />
Feeling unsure of every decision I make for Xavier<br />
Trying to do frivolous stuff so I can avoid the most important things<br />
Not falling asleep because I usually don't accomplish my goals (this hurts)<br />
<br />
You already know my immediate joy upon the point at which I thought my life was going to be the greatest. (anti-candida protocol) Which after a year was followed by despair, and the realization that I basically spent the rest of our money for the year, and now had Diflucan and Nystatin resistant yeast. What Doesn't Kill them Makes Them Stronger. <br />
<br />
Now what?<br />
<br />
I'm broke, over run by yeast on crack......not having bowel movements for weeks at a time, and moving between the worlds of giving up completely and just living the rest of my life sick, with sick kids, in a sick world. And sometimes, when I felt better, I would make vows to myself about the things I could change in an effort to obtain supreme well being. <br />
<br />
In September I saw a professional again. This time with no expectations. I just needed more answers....better answers. I'll admit, nailing down the cause of me staying in my home for over 2 years was a pretty big deal at the time, but that passed, and I began sitting next to people again. I needed more this time. As I write this, I still need more. It shouldn't be this hard. I want the diabetes-insulin method. You have something, here is what you need to make it go away complete with MSI coverage, clinics, support from the community and friends etc. I don't want diabetes, but you get the drift. <br />
<br />
My new protocol consists of:<br />
Hot water, lemon in Cayenne first thing in the morning.<br />
Pau D'arco all day.<br />
Candida IF after supper, which is basically benonite clay, and flax seed.<br />
<br />
I had joked around saying that I wish there was something I could take to just seal the holes in my gut. Well this is it. I should probably be on the Paleo diet, although I will go through the beginning stages of GAPS with X so I can gauge how he feels. Plus I need to drop a lot of weight and a sugar free (including fruit) detox is probably what I need to get a head start on the yeast that have all but eaten away at my face. I get very very angry when people talk about a sugar free diet, or detox. You have no fucking idea what sugar free really is until you have been on the strict version of the Anti Candida diet. <br />
<br />
So that's that. I know you are out there. Succeeding...not succeeding.....reading this blog in tears or laughter. Whatever stage you are at, or where ever you are today....just begin. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Tawnyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11282137644150719169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15871966.post-72492229962711563432012-09-04T14:57:00.000-03:002015-07-02T23:33:20.053-03:00Living the DreamI don't think I can write when I am happy. Is this strange? I'll try to swallow back the tears as I share my thoughts on our trip to Greenville South Carolina. Can you believe I was contemplating NOT travelling with David? Six weeks is far too long for me to be alone with <i>my own</i> children. I'll keep the details short as i can feel my chest becoming heavy. First of all, Americans have it ninety thousand times more easier than anyone else on this earth......well maybe not mother's in France, and I'm only referring to those with health insurance. Everyone else is probably dying in a hospital corridor right now. And this wouldn't be a <strike>narcissistic</strike> post by me, if I wasn't using my great analogical skills to base all of this on our family's circumstances. <br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I'm only going to name three stores. Whole Foods, Earth Fare, and Trader Joe's. These three places alone, give me sanity. Could you imagine needing toothpaste and actually driving for five minutes to purchase it? This covered everything we place in/on our bodies. I'm not going to even get into the cost of living. We <i>could</i> afford a home if we moved here, and the price of clothing is ridonculous. You don't even need to wait for a sale! I mean, sure there's the whole part about people that look like our family does, and clothing geared toward women not throwing their food up in baggies then hiding them in a closet. Affordable sports with professional coaches, oh dear.....I must simply swap these woes and begin life in the present. We are here. We are not in South Carolina. Learn to deal. </div>
Tawnyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11282137644150719169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15871966.post-42149827600973948102012-02-07T18:50:00.000-04:002015-09-13T22:29:25.871-03:00The Results Are In<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strike>...Rashawn, you are NOT the father.</strike> If you are reading this, and are interested, you probably already know this stuff, and are shaking your head wondering why I'm just beginning???? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hopefully my last appointment.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Applied Kinesiology</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Will it all make sense now?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I loaded up a Boot box full of every supplement I had purchased. When I saw them all shoved in the box, I just saw <span style="color: #38761d;">$$$$</span>. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So much trial and error without knowing if what I was doing was even correct. I tried, I really did....or at least I thought I did. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So the results were pretty great. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We already had 7 of them and only needed to purchase three.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<b><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.bioraynaturaldetox.com/products/cytoflora.html">CytoFlora</a> </span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.ourkidsasd.com/products/2908"><b>Magnesium Sulfate Cream</b></a> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.upayanaturals.com/Vitamin_B12_and_B_Complex_Max_B_ND_formerly_M_p/prl-108.htm"><b>Max Stress B</b></a> - This tested extremely well</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.pureencapsulations.com/itemdy00.asp?t1=b12l"><b>Pure Encapsulations B12 Liquid</b></a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.ascentahealth.com/products/human/nutrasea-d/"><b>Nutra Sea +D</b></a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>CoQ10 </b>- 100-120 mg daily</span><br />
<b style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Colostrum Powde</b><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">r</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Mineral Ascorbate</b> - <a href="http://www.avive.ca/">Avive Naturals</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Whey Protein</b> 4 times a week - We got this from Signature Supplements without any gross additives, and at a fraction of the regular cost.</span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Flaxseed Oil</span></b><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There you have it. The </span><a href="http://gapsdiet.com/" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">GAPS Diet</a><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, along with the above supplements and peace of mind. I cannot tell you how much relief I have now that I know I am not wasting money. Not to say this isn't going to be costly or a complete pain in the ass :). This is the only time I think I can honestly say that I am grateful for the experience of a restricted diet. It makes GAPS seem like a walk in the park. The only difference is that I could go hungry if nothing was prepared.....X cannot. Initially I will be in overdrive trying to stay ahead and make sure he always has snacks, and breakfasts. He is such a great kid....asking me if he was still allowed to drink water on this diet! Never protesting and fully understanding it is all to benefit his health. I am going into this chapter much more happier and curious, instead of bitter, and resentful. </span><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">{Wish us luck}</span>Tawnyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11282137644150719169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15871966.post-23640222332466056382012-02-05T22:25:00.002-04:002015-09-13T22:39:29.151-03:00Getting it Right (This Time)<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Preparing meals to suit people on a </span><strike style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Gluten Free</strike><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><strike style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Anti Candida</strike><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><strike style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Specific Carbohydrate Diet</strike><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> GAPS Diet has it's challenges. Oh wait...I forgot to tell you about the new diet. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And no...I <strike>will definitely complain every chance I get</strike> am not going to spend months complaining about the effort and associated costs. I tried this before and it didn't work.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We finally got to see Heidi Ship. I suppose this would all make sense if I updated more, and mentioned the professionals X has been seeing since we parted ways with Dr. LaValley. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Wait...hold up...parted? Well 'ran out of money' would be more accurate. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Besides.... I spent so much time bitching and whining on this blog that before I knew it, 8 months had passed and it was time for me to rejoin society and start <strike>binge eating</strike> eating again. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">More on this later.....and one more thing. I really need to start giving myself more credit and stop putting so much faith in everyone else. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yes, the people I credit for X's health are fantastic, but they are not everything. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I matter. My<b> </b>decisions and actions count. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The first time I felt like real support just fell into my lap was last year! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So Dr. Chernin was our first stop.. I am not going to go into detail about the what's, how's or why's. She facilitates the emergence, maturation, and integration process of his primary reflex motor patterns, otherwise practiced as the </span><a href="http://masgutovamethod.com/about-us" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Masgutova Method</b></a><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Great fit, results, gains, always leave feeling like I had grown as a parent, wife, woman.....general motivated individual. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Let's move on. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dr. Chernin suggested we visit Heather MacAuley (former owner of Burnside Physio) for manipulative therapy. She called me at home....we spoke for almost two hours. This woman gets it. I was willing to pay just to meet her in person! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So we had our visit (just one) 'ya hurd me....ONE appointment. Continuing on the </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">yellow</span><span style="color: #ffd966; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">brick road</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> we ventured into the office of </span><a href="http://www.briansutherland.ca/" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Brian Sutherland</a><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> for some <b>Craniosacral</b> work. I believe we saw him four times. I'm actually going for treatments myself as I had witnessed X's transformation after just two sessions. Again, he is brilliant and gets the job done. The last stop is to visit Oz (also known as Heidi Ship) to have all questions answered.</span>Tawnyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11282137644150719169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15871966.post-20172727514684127582011-12-23T15:50:00.000-04:002015-09-13T22:46:15.151-03:00Clean Sweep<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Soooooo....look who came crawling back to Blogger after months of storing topics in her head, and making empty promises of writing. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Do you know that I love writing? Wouldn't think so, but I do. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A month ago I told myself that I would, at the very least, write about the facts, and topics that came effortless to discuss. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then what? Nothing. I actually waste an insane amount of time thinking. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Want to know something else? </span><b style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I'm done</span></b><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. Here is a list of the things I am done with:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Thinking about how bad things are</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Worrying about money</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Supplements and the lack thereof</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This diet</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Any treatment that does not address underlying conditions</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Chemical Sensitivity</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Resentment and Anger</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Not to shabby for one moment of clarity eh? I'm kind of going to pretend this stuff never existed in my life and sweep in under the rug.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Don't worry.....I kept my sense of humor, but I'm unloading some baggage before 2012. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Oh....and I've been grateful and less pessimistic lately.....</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And no, I did not accept Jesus Christ as my savior or anything over the holidays. Just embracing the present.</span></div>
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<br />Tawnyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11282137644150719169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15871966.post-17481921273390426492011-11-03T15:56:00.002-03:002015-09-13T23:24:53.042-03:00Laughter Is The Best Medicine<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I peed myself today. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This hasn't happened in a long time. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Laughing so hard you pee yourself is the best/worst feeling. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The feeling after you have the best laugh/cry is amazing!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For those who haven't experienced this...I suggest you do. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you find someone that can make you laugh like this....keep them. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Every night and every day David and I keep each other in stitches. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A few months back we spontaneously acted out a skit (something you would see on Mad TV) about how easy it would be to conceive a child with either of us. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He was the inseminator, and I was Queen Bee. Anyway, I won't go into the details of how/why we even thought of it, as the point was that laughter filled every space in that room. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Today was no different.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I woke up <strike>briefly at 2:25, 3:04, 4:14, 5:12, 5:15, 5:30</strike>, at 6:30....stumbled out of bed and walked upstairs. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I saw the space heater we recently purchased for 29.99 at Giant Tiger, on the floor plugged in to an extension cord. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's too early to figure out why it was there, and where that ex. cord came from??? </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Instead of starting the morning routine, I just stood there wondering. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And then it hit me. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">David has a broken air vent in his <strike>2008</strike> 98 Topaz, so he used the plug outside the<strike> house</strike> duplex, and warmed up his car. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Remember that previous post when I was acting all uppity? </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Guess who's eating humble pie now? </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Enter uncontrollable howling.... tears.... bent over with stomach pain... banging into the walls laughter.....and this is when I peed myself.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's all fun and games until you realize that you threw everything in the washing machine but didn't start the cycle.... and get a whiff of 7 hour old urine. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is not so funny. </span></div>
Tawnyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11282137644150719169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15871966.post-71687181559374148662011-10-01T19:15:00.001-03:002015-09-13T23:28:59.253-03:00Goodbye Hilden, Hello Bible Hill<span style="background-color: magenta;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We've moved !!!!!!!! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">To <strike>a deluxe apartment in the sky</strike> a three bedroom duplex? </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That's right, you heard me......three bedrooms! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Don't get ahead of yourself, you haven't seen the photos yet. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's not high end or anything, just has three bedrooms, and lots of storage. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It feels like I just shared the same news a year ago.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Oh that's right, I did say we moved 12 months ago, and didn't let one post go by where I didn't make reference to that moldy, musty basement. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well we've still got a damp basement (where we sleep), and have a <strike>room where the kids play games while sitting on my beloved Walmart computer chair, a broken rocking chair, and one of those spectator fold up chairs until we can afford a futon</strike> rec room.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">While there are kids on the street for the kids to play with, they are not the most desirable. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Listen to me acting all uppity, like my Acadia University hat with holes in it gives me the right to snub others on this street. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our </span><strike style="color: #262626; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">slumlord</strike><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> landlord thinks he knows everything and is charge of the repairs around these units. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We have a lot of spots where the floor just turn into a ramp. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They really cheaped out with the lighting in here. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Every room is accented with fixtures that look like this but older, uglier, dirtier, and rustier.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="atla032608-ceilinglamp02.jpg" src="http://i-cdn.apartmenttherapy.com/uimages/la/atla032608-ceilinglamp02.jpg" height="181" width="320" /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I had big plans to find the most amazing dresser on Kijiji for $20, spray paint it to match the bed I would have already spray painted, and give Nadia the room she deserves. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For now, we're content that she's off the floor and in the bed I purchased for $30. I still don't have curtains up in her room, or the rec room.....or the kitchen.......</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Holy shit, I really need to work on the window treatments around here. Also, now that I think of it.....maybe we aren't much different from the people on this street :).</span></div>
Tawnyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11282137644150719169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15871966.post-64156493312646832182011-08-17T09:15:00.001-03:002015-09-13T23:37:09.266-03:00What's Up With Food?<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Food. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My nemesis. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It is continually associated with fear, money, weight or time. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Where do I begin? </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Alright. On a positive note, I really enjoy baking, and don't completely hate preparing meals anymore. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Over the past three years something changed radically. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Again, this was in conjunction with X's health, my protocol, and the goal to get this family on the </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">'Whole</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Foods</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">' train as fast as possible. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've come a long way.......a really long way. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You know about my childhood, my twisted eating habits....but to add a bit of humor to this post, I will share with you, some of the delectable dishes I made in my humble beginnings.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I used to use take these processed pressed frozen chicken <strike>breasts</strike> things, throw them in a baking dish...</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Pour a bottle of this sauce......</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Bake and serve over white minute rice. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">No marinating, no spices, no nothing. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Just the sauce and some questionable meat. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I thought my culinary skills were superb and even varied my nightly delights by doing the exact same thing with VH1 Pineapple Sauce. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For a special occasion, I might place a roast (again in my baking dish).....</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Pour a bottle of Seedless Raspberry Jam over it (no seasonings, no searing, nothing)....</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and bake. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I wanted to go all out with my sides so I would take a bag of hash browns...</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">add a tub of sour cream, and 3 cups of cheese.....oh, and bake. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was so proud of myself because I switched my technique to 'adding', instead of 'pouring'. I knew I was going far now :). </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Boy oh boy, I had that oven on overdrive! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I can only imagine the facial expressions on the lucky people I was feeding. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They were probably wondering why I decided to use the <b>total </b>allotment of dairy for a year, in one meal???</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The 'cream of' Campbell's soups were also a big staple in <strike>every meal other than the ones I just wrote about</strike> our apartment. 1 can, whatever meat, minute rice, and some vegetables. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">n the years to follow, David let me know that he didn't have the heart to tell me how bad things were. He said I was just so darn proud of these dishes/myself, that he could not burst my bubble. What a </span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">patient</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> man.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There you have it. I once was lost, but now am found.....you get the picture. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> 2010 was the worst of times. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'll admit I <strike>am still off</strike> was off my rocker, and felt the need to save the world. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Posting on Facebook, sporting my Planet Organic re-usable grocery bags, while trying to inform everyone around me of what we were really eating. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You know what? Only<b> </b>a few people cared. One of them was Cat....wait.....Carolyn...I wonder if she still goes by the name Cat? I guess she'll let me know.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Anyways she writes about food (and other stuff) on her blog <a href="http://carolynatlarge.blogspot.com/">Carolyn at Large</a>. and has a way of </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">encouraging</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> readers to open their eyes, where as I generally use terms like unfit parent, or incredibly stupid. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've eased off quite a bit....nowhere near as psychotic or obsessive as I was.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Also, coming to the realization that our income is not parallel to my beliefs. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am trying. I really am. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've found a balance that works...... for now. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We try to eat local, and organic when possible. David still bakes our bread and I make the sweets/treats. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We are learning to eat foods that I can buy local as the seasons change, and are gently guiding the kids on the </span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">straight facts</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> of food. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Trying to end this vicious cycle of</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> </span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">oblivion</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. It's working (thank goodness), and their adult lives will be easier because of it. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I enjoy sites like <a href="http://www.100daysofrealfood.com/take-the-10-day-pledge/">100 Days of Real Food</a> which allow families to gradually move in this direction. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">While some people can adjust easily, most cannot. Initially, this process can be time consuming, confusing, and makes you question everything you were ever taught about food. It can be</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">terrifying</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">glorious</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">.....or both :). </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The only downside to this post is that I am constantly hungry. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Never really feeling full. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I suppose I could eat more, but that's not it. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I miss bread, milk, pancakes, peanut butter, fruit.....I miss it all. Not sharing the same meals has put a cramp into dinnertime. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sometimes I sit at the table with them, but most times I just putter around and clean, trying to distract myself from the delicious meal everyone is enjoying. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So 'no', I haven't reached the point where I am not resentful that everyone around me is stuffing their faces with absolute goodness. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Tawnyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11282137644150719169noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15871966.post-59421875631796969102011-07-25T13:20:00.007-03:002015-09-14T00:02:18.993-03:00What's Up With My DNRS Recovery?<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's been a while since I shared anything, even though I had initially thought I would use this spot to document my recovery process. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's strange how quickly things can shift/change once we begin applying <a href="http://www.dnrsystem.com/">this</a> program into our daily lives. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am very</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> proud</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> of the</span><span style="color: #9fc5e8; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">growth</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">that has taken place within me......even more than the <i>changes </i>I was anticipating......like leaving my apartment, washing my hands in a public washroom....you know... those things we all find so difficult ;).</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So what's been going on? </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well I became hung up on the rules, length of the exercise, duration, time of day etc.....</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">While still holding my secret competition with each of the participants in the program (even though Annie continually says not to do this). </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Also, I felt as if I didn't deserve to have another thing added to my plate. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's very difficult for me to be grateful of changes based on conditions I didn't think I should have in the first place....and then I started resenting the day 1 miracle participants. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In came the POP's (pathways of the past).... I </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">crashed</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There is no other word to describe it. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Anxiety increased over the money I spent.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Fear crept in slowly until I was a mad woman. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So I stopped everything, stepped back, and re-evaluated my process..... </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and then Annie's process. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I know this works. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I know it worked for Annie.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I know it worked for Sharon.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Who it wasn't working for was me. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Not because it was wrong, or I was wrong....it just wasn't mine. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's like there are crucial components to this program, similar to the foundation of a home, it's structure, or a roof. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For me, the process felt like a brand new home I moved into but let someone else decorate. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I liked the layout, landscaping, the kitchen, but always felt like I was living in someone else's house. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Since June 12, I just spent so much time thinking changes <i>weren't </i>happening..... the changes had<i> already</i> happened.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I just don't fucking care anymore. I am sorry for using that word, but it is integral to that statement. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There were definitely some components I had not prepared myself for after leaving on that beautiful Sunday afternoon. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was so scared to think about anything else because I might 'fall off the wagon', or lose those feelings <strike>I never experienced those feelings</strike> everyone was talking about. </span> </div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So after 2 weeks of nothing, that's right....nothing, a new plan was </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">evolving</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">....and without my knowledge. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One that didn't involve me thinking, or planning, or fearing. It just was. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I can't describe this </span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">connection with myself</span><span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">using words. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I don't care where I am, where I go, who is around me...</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cc0000; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-weight: bold;">I just don't care</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yesterday I was at Walmart for </span><b style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">2 hours</b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, and then my husband got called into work so we drove to my mom's in New Glasgow (have always been fearful of this spot), where I</span><b style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cc0000;">didn't care</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> some more. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Some people have the ability to properly adjust/control their thought process. I am not one of them. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I mean, I can do it, but it feels like taking a class in Calculus. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For me to get to a point at which good things can take place, I have to shut down in a number of different areas. At first, I seen this as a bad thing....it's not. It's just different. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This itself is a big gain (personal).</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I learned to breathe, adapt, and focus on something else besides winning this secret race. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Quite a bit of things have become<i> new habits </i>(not because I knowingly tried to change), they just formed on their own. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And we all know that new habits are cool....well as long as one of them isn't smoking crack. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">All in all things are pretty neat, and if they aren't....<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cc0000;"><b>I just don't f**king care</b></span>. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"> </span><br />
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Tawnyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11282137644150719169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15871966.post-59698971956372197012011-07-20T18:57:00.013-03:002015-09-14T00:16:10.807-03:00What's up With My Weight?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well well well....look who is finally under 200lbs.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">199.5 (at the perfect time of day), but I don't care...it's a milestone. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The last time I was this weight, was before I was pregnant with X.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Did you ever notice how people describe other overweight people? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They judge by increments of 50 lbs.</span></div>
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Holy shit! Did you see that lady? She must have weighed 300lbs!"</span></i></div>
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"My God, he was at least 250lbs!"</span></i></div>
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"After the birth of her second baby she was tipping the scales at 200lbs!"</span></i></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Twenty pounds lighter and I would be the weight I was when I met David. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Before you get ahead of yourself and think, "Holy shit...this girls gonna have a smokin' hot body (for those of you that adore a Jordin Sparks type body),</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b> </b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">both before and after her recent weight loss.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Let me inform you that my body just isn't the same. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It has morphed and shifted so much over the past decade.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My breasts are droopy and exhausted from being ballooned out, and then deflated so they might supply milk for my three children.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Losing weight in the tummy area is confusing and I still resemble a victim attacked by a wolf (stretchmarks). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I never really got hung up on these beauties. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They come with the territory, and as long as I have no desire to flaunt this area, it's like 'out of sight, out of mind'. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">David thinks they are sexy??? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Probably some strange fetish he's picked up online or something :). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He says they remind him of three amazing children, and says my body has provided their home, nutrients, food supply, warmth.....and how could you not find this incredibly beautiful? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I guess it's a husband/wife thing, and I am very fortunate to have a couple of things on my body that I don't have to feel self conscious about.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So I can still be described with great disgust in any given conversation, but I <strike>really didn't try to lose weight, I just ended up eating foods that do not cause weight gain</strike> must say that I like getting rid of some fat. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I can play Frisbee, and see my feet....I even saw a vein in my right foot, like athletes have.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What I don't like is loose excess skin, and a frail gaunt face. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This could be me. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After spending 2 weeks worrying, David asked me <i>what</i> exactly would I be wearing that would allow everyone to see these 'so called' imperfections??? </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He has a point. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Even if I <i>was</i> thin, my style has never been/ nor will be, mid drift tops and daisy dukes. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am accepting what I have to work with and making the best of it.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Accepting that weight has come off faster than anticipated, and I spent the first month or so very weak so I was unable to tone and build muscle. That's it. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There's nothing I could have done (the diet was inevitable, and so was the fatigue that followed).</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I continue to put things off....rarely being able to pour myself into more than two things at a time. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My 2 Maxi dresses have helped a lot. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I really like the areas beneath my chin/above my breasts, and the flow/length just covers everything else. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They make me feel </span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">whimsical</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You just throw one on and '<i>forget about it'</i> (Italian accent). </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Uh oh.....I just thought about something. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Is this just an excuse to wear a long nightgown? </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And why in the heck has this weight thing been with me like a favorite blanket since......forever? </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Before questionable mental well being, before children....it was weight. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I really wish I was put in one of those groups for tweens that promotes positive self esteem, body image, empowerment etc. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This might have helped....but ultimately, I did too many things alone....including developing a distorted association with food. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The first time I was told I was fat was in grade 5 or 6, by one of my mom's boyfriends. He said I was fat just like her. She laughed it off, and said I wasn't. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At that time, I didn't know that I<i> wasn't</i> overweight, but that one sentence set some wheels in motion. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I had full control over snacks, breakfast, and lunch (often dinner too). No child will choose a healthy option, especially if one wasn't readily available in the home. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I didn't even know what healthy eating was. I knew I was hungry, and lonely. Not hungry like a homeless child, but hungry enough not be satisfied by 1 box of Kraft Dinner, so I would just add more....or eat toast....or buy chips and pop on the way back to school. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I always liked eating at my friend Colleen's. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dinner was at the same time every day, and everything was portioned. Her mom had full control over the food in this house. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At first it seemed obsessive, but now I understand she was trying to establish some healthy eating patterns. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I liked that everyone gathered around a table and shared things about their day. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I even liked the clean up. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was always sad returning home. </span><br />
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Tawnyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11282137644150719169noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15871966.post-43753227151221225192011-07-13T10:09:00.131-03:002015-09-14T00:24:56.705-03:00What's Up With My Leaky Gut/Candida?<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Are you read for this?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">91 days. 91 freaking days!!!! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have been faithful to this Anti </span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Candida</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> diet for 91 days. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I can't believe it myself. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I thought I would have cheated weeks ago, and almost did. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was in a real slump over the</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> $$$ </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">of my supplements and just wanted to give up. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I called everyone</span><strike style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> two people</strike><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> I knew to go over the </span><i style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">pros</i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> and</span><i style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> cons</i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> of giving up. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ultimately there were no</span><i style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> pros....</i><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">so I just kept on truckin'</span><i style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. </i><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Even though I am regaining health</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, I still hate this diet, and see it as just another thing I have to give my full attention to. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am actually only fulfilling half of protocol intended to help my Yucky Gut (this is what Nadia calls it). </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's cute, and even more accurate :). </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Knowing that I will most likely not be able to purchase everything on the list (at once), I chose the most important and just dedicated myself to the strict diet. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As long as nothing is entering my body on the forbidden list (all forms of sugar, all fruit, anything white, fermented, dairy, soy, pork, and some vegetables), I am no ,longer feeding the yeast. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The problem lies in the fact that I am not killing them either. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I mean, I am with 2 of the supplements....but the really good ones might speed up the process. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">With this little mishap,</span><a href="http://unregulatedword.blogspot.com/2010/12/doctor-will-see-you-now.html" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dr. LaValley</a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> has tacked on an extra 2 or 3 months of everything. I will get</span> <span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">better,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> but it will take longer. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So in my despair/hopeless state, I just wanted to throw in the towel and wait until I had sufficient funds to do the entire protocol at once.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Foolish me. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What was I thinking? </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This meant I would have to start all over again! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The die off reaction, adjusting to low <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cc0000;">blood</span> sugar, and </span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">weakness</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Thank goodness this was just a brief moment that passed once I sat down and figured out how many days I had under my belt.....and I re read <a href="http://unregulatedword.blogspot.com/2011/04/rock-bottom.html">this</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> post. </span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is what my full protocol looks like. I should mention that you cannot find any of this locally, as they cannot have any additives, or sugar in them. Also, taking 1 or 2 of anything twice daily makes the supplements go<b> fast</b>. I have taken the Nystatin and glutamine as directed, but as for everything else....I'm in ration mode, and only the first two listed are covered 50% by Sunlife. The rest are coming out of our bi-weekly budget.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;">$230.00</span> Fluconazole (for 30 tablets) 1 tablet twice daily </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;">$30.00</span> Nystatin - work up to 1/4 tsp 4 times daily. (I'm at 1/8 tsp and it is tastes like poison)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;">$81.00</span> L-Glutamine Powder - 1Tbs Twice daily</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;">$60.00</span> Dr. Ohirra's Probiotics - once or twice daily </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;">$44.00</span> Willard's Catalyst Alkaline Water - 1 cup twice daily</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;">$18.00</span> Vitamin D-3 in oil 5000 IU - 1 tablet, once or twice daily (finally a cheap product!)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;">$40.00</span> Fish Oil - one or two tbs twice daily (yuck)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;">$45.00</span> Nutribiotic Caps (Citricidal) - 1 mid meal with each meal</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>I stopped ^there^ and below are the supplements I don't have as yet.</i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;">$82.00</span> CuraMed 750mg two to three caps daily WTF</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;">$35.00</span> GLA Borage Oil - 3 or 4 tablets twice daily</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;">$19.00</span> Garlicin - 1 mid meal with each meal ( I could probably afford this)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;">$35.00 </span>Oreganol - 1 or 2 capsules 2-3 times daily</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;">$30.00</span> Lactoferrin - 1-3 tablets 2-3 times daily</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;">$30.00</span> N-A-C 1 or 2 tablets twice daily</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;">$50.00</span> MegaSilymarin - 2 or 3 caps twice daily</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So there you have it. I don't really have anyone to chat about this (sucks), but I found the <a href="http://wholeapproachforums.com/eve/forums">Whole Approach</a> forums quite helpful in the recipe department. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Not that I've made anything other than the 5 dishes I eat over and over again. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Am I sick of them yet? Nope :). </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The thought of preparing yet another separate meal from my family, and the additional expense of 'required' ingredients allows me to graciously accept my limited meal selection. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The food I eat is yummy and nourishing and that's all that matters right now.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Oh yeah, I forgot to mention this. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dr.LaValley, is now ranked # 4 on my Best Doctors Ever list. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He knows what's going on......like, really knows. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He only scores fewer points because of his fees and location. </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span>Tawnyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11282137644150719169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15871966.post-88876210741944571872011-06-30T18:17:00.003-03:002015-09-14T00:42:10.307-03:00When Nightgown's Go Wrong<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A recent purchase of $12 pajamas got me thinking about my absolute obsession with all things comfortable. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is no joke. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I began taking an unusual interest in nightgowns somewhere in high school. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I had loads from Zellers, and always got a new one at Christmas, but closer to graduation I visited</span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e06666;"> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">La Senza</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> in Truro and started taking advantage of the 2/$30 sleepwear </span><strike style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">not day wear</strike><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> deal. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I would show you picture but they don't carry this </span><strike style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">non stripper</strike><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> style any longer. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Nonetheless, heavier girls, could still hold their head up with some dignity in a</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e06666; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> <i>La Senza</i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> store during the mid 90's. This didn't matter to me, as I was </span><strike style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">not as heavy</strike><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><strike style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">could still be viewed as a patron</strike><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> content with my basic nightgowns. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So content that I began to upgrade and wear the special ones outside. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yes, outside of my apartment. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Not to check the mail, not to water the garden </span><strike style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">there was no garden at Brother Street apartments</strike><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">......outside....like to shop, with friends etc. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sort of like an outfit reserved for church on Sunday.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> My friend Tamara can attest to this. She would show up and ask me when I was getting dressed. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I wondered what she meant by this? </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How could this foolish girl be asking me such questions? </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Did I not look dressed already? </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Thinking back with a grin... not at all. I was clearly leaving the house in a night gown. Plain and simple. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I moved and took my</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> </span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">tattered, faded</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> nightgowns along with me for the journey. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At university, I think the only time I was wearing clothes was when I was trying to use my fake I.D. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In Toronto, the only reason I didn't wear them was because I would have appeared homeless, or like a homeless prostitute. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Either way, I fought the urge, and wore regular clothing. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is when I expanded and purchased items from</span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cc0000;"> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">la Vie en Rose</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Obviously, I had to raise my standards while living at relatives/friends homes (out of my suitcase).</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My cousin's (Tanya) cousin (Nadine) used her discount for some things I fancied, but I never found these practical....like they were meant for one thing only. Duh? </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And what purpose does a lingerie store usually serve? </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was like I was betraying my <strike>babies</strike><span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-style: italic;"> </span>ratty, and tatty! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I could never give up good ol' faithfuls. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jump to 1999. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have this etched in my head like a survivor of a brutal attack</span><i style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. </i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was in my bedroom minding my own business when out of nowhere comes my roommate (Craig), who started going on about my nightgowns. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Was this boy sick in the head? What in the fuck is he talking about? </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">All I hear are the words... "I'm tired, they're old, have holes, please get rid of, you've been wearing these forever, take them off!" </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Stunned and in disbelief that someone would dare confront me about</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> ratty </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> tatty</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, I just shrugged it off as if this were something Craig and I would joke about an hour later. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Nope. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Apparently, Craig's speech also included actions, and he was so sick of my La Senza nightgown that he decided to rip it at the shoulders so I could no longer wear it. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He meant business. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Should I have been surprised? </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I mean, a week earlier, our next door neighbor attacked Craig and attempted to bite off his ear. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She was not in UFC.....well maybe she is now. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">All I know is that Angie was in ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics), had a dog that pooped everywhere, and gave us a couch that said dog probably shit all over. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Did I mention that I was into Fe Breeze back then, and that Craig is gay.....just so you don't think his fury was a clever attempt to have</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #660000; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">wild jungle sex or anything. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So that was that. A saga ended. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If there was a milk crate outside my apartment door, I just might have played the blues...(if I knew how to play the guitar). </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Skip ahead to 2002. Xavier is born, and I am totally submerged into the world of 'mom clothes'. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">People accept anything when they know you've had a</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">baby</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. No bra? No problem. Shirt on inside out and backwards? Who Cares? </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I found myself home a lot, and </span><strike style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">not losing the baby weight that everyone said I would once I started breastfeeding</strike><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> started gaining weight. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">No longer am I able to purchase the 2/30$ nightgowns at the finer shops. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've got Walmart to meet my needs. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And since I was already going there for everything else, I could now look for styles (I think I am the only one who uses styles and nightgowns in the same sentence), to flatter my </span><strike style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">leaky boobs, and gunt</strike><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">ever growing</span> <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">figure</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">People are coming to see my </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">baby</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, and I'm not getting dressed. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Just greeting them in my </span><strike style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">comfy clothes</strike><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> nightgowns. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Somewhere along the way, I figured these nightgowns were as acceptable as a t-shirt and jogging pants???? </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They are not. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They serve two entirely different purposes. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I don't even think I've seen David's entire family in anything but. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I can honestly say they have every right to question his choice to marry me. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Enter the 4X nightgown. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now what some of you may not know is that when you are wearing a 4X nightgown, everyone around you knows it's a Moo Moo. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was walking around with my head held high in a fucking Moo Moo! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">God....did my brains just slip out with all of that milk I was producing? </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How did I get to this point? </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I didn't aspire to be an extra on 'Hee Haw'.....I didn't want to be the <i>'before'</i> in a weight loss ad. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well I am happy to report that I am back on track. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I still use that 4X nightgown for a tarp to cover the garbage bags so that pesky crows don't destroy it before the truck comes along, and I am almost over my nightgown addiction. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I purchased two very cute summer pajamas in an XL (pajamas run a lot larger than regular clothes), and my mom got me a very pretty set from Winners. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">David is trying to convince me to wear all three out of the house. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Based on the hours I spend watching A&E, I guess he's what you might call an<i> 'enabler'.</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But I say... "No David!" "I have a disease that could spiral out of control with a few extra dollars and trip to Walmart for toilet paper!" </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"I must respect this attire and it's purpose." </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Each day is a struggle, but I'm a survivor ;).</span>Tawnyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11282137644150719169noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15871966.post-61266824579601048302011-06-21T13:24:00.000-03:002015-09-14T00:46:10.979-03:00It's a Beautiful Day<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I forgot one very important thing. Each morning after the first school drop off I listen to the </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">U2 song...<b>.</b></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">'It's a Bea</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">utiful Day'</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Really getting into the song....feeling the bass, and drums, and the guitar as if I was jammin' onstage at a concert. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Something definitely ignites from within, similar to a sleeper agent in a fictional novel whose password/trigger was activated. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">These particular lyrics of the song are the ones that I resonate with.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px;"><br /></span><i>Touch me </i></span><br />
<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Take me to that other place. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Reach me<br />I know I'm not a hopeless case.<br /><br />What you don't have you don't need it now<br />What you don't know you can feel it somehow.<br />What you don't have you don't need it now<br />Don't need it now.<br />It's a beautiful day.</span></i><br />
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm not even sure what/who this song is referring to, but I just pretend U2 wrote it for me ;). </span></div>
Tawnyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11282137644150719169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15871966.post-88830590550252063902011-06-13T09:40:00.007-03:002015-09-14T14:54:00.187-03:00I Was Born on June 10, 2011<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I had so many things I have been meaning to write about.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The thing that I cannot contain in my body any longer, are my feelings about the </span><a href="http://www.dnrsystem.com/contact.html"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dynamic Neural Retraining System </span></a><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">3 day rehabilitation program I just participated in.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There was a photo right here, but I had to remove it. In all of my giddiness, and <strike>Osama</strike> 'Obama </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">like' aspirations, I totally forgot about a little word called privacy, and those who have a right to it :).</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yes, that's me on the left in all my glory (no make up whatsoever). </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Did you know that I've gone out in public like this over 11 times now? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This, in itself is huge! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Want to know something else? I'm kind of beginning to like it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I put make-up on last week and it felt funny. If my eyebrows would just grow in completely (It's taken over 15 years), and I had a year round tan (without using a tanning bed), I might consider this as a semi permanent option.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You will no longer read anything about <strike>MCS</strike> "It". No more talk of symptoms, and no more deep seeded, never ending feeling of hopelessness. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Know why? Because I have hope. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This was the most amazing thing I have ever done for myself. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I learned much more about many other aspects of my life that I had not realized were even hindering my recovery. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">By now you're thinking..."So she's in recovery for 'it', AND still working on her Leaky Gut?" </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">his girl is going to crack! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Actually, I'm going to remain calm, and do the exact same thing I did for X during his early years of therapy. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong><span style="color: #0b5394;"><br /></span></strong></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Give it my Best . Practice. Dedication. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So what in the heck will I write about? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well you know by now that I'm not about to get all Joel Osteen up in here, but if you've been feeding on my <strike>does this blog author even have a pulse?</strike> posts full of angst and melancholy, you might have to find a new place to read for a while. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I even removed 2 of the tabs above that grouped me in 'miserable' categories? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I didn't delete older posts, in case someone stumbles upon this blog a year from now and wants to read about (what will seem like) a Miracle :).</span>Tawnyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11282137644150719169noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15871966.post-90745663957647949182011-05-14T09:40:00.003-03:002015-09-14T15:00:26.861-03:00Everything's Going To Be Alright<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">torn</span> in a million different directions these days. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So many that I don't know what to think...or feel....or find the time to think and feel. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I can barely breath with thoughts of activism, and outrage, compassion, and balance rolling around upstairs. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've been experiencing some days with clarity, and with that comes a <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">flood</span> of suppressed emotions, and ideas. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Almost as if they had been held captive for so long and are bursting with anticipation to break free. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So what in the heck do I do with all this? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well, I know I should write more. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Instead of doing one thing at a time, I do twenty. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is usually unavoidable, so there goes that 'take it one day at a time' theory. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I find myself sleeping less as my brain is on overdrive...still plugging away on those books, and getting back to properly taking care of X.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I did a craft with Nadia (score) even though the glue and construction paper nearly destroyed me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Other highlights include getting a peek of her at gymnastics class, taking Sebastian to a Regional Spelling Bee, a fun-run, and getting materials on Free Comic Book Day. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I <em>should</em> be very proud of myself for taking part in these 'outside of my home' activities yet still I am plagued with remorse, guilt, and fear, while second guessing each and every decision I make.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">This all came to the forefront on Friday when I thought we had totally missed our appointment with Dr. Chernin. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">We arrived 6 minutes late to her practice and I thought the door was locked (it was really jammed), but I went into hysterics. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Racing to the Nu Body's next door and asking for help.....what did I actually think they could help me with? Bashing in the door? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">The only thing the front desk employee was going to assist me with is filling out a membership application. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I fled the gym screaming and yelling at the kids, dragging them around the block looking for another entrance. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">There wasn't another entrance. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Eventually the door <strike>was open the entire time</strike> opened and I rushed to the receptionist who had told me she was just preparing my invoice. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">She told me to have a seat, so I thought Dr. Chernin had take another patient and that we would just slip in when she had finished. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I NEED the full hour. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I know there is no way I am coherent enough to fully grasp what she is about to teach me in anything less. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">By now I could only think of the gas I had wasted, how much extra brain power I would need to use to get us home safely, and the $200 bill I would have to pay for a service I didn't receive. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I didn't even ask for clarification from the <strike>lady who was probably abut to call security</strike> receptionist, I just started to cry. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I collapsed (really just sat down) in my chair, and felt everything move south. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">It felt as if my soul, lungs, and heart sank to my ankles. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">The kids had worried looks on their faces, but I couldn't control it....and the tears continued. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Dr. Chernin called X's name as a man quickly shuffled out of her room. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Was I late? Was she running behind? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">"YES!!!!!!" I wanted to shout, but I didn't. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I knew that I really needed to work on some <em>issues.</em> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">We were shown respect, and compassion.....two qualities I have grown not to expect from physicians. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">She was completely caring, thorough, and kind....and funny. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Two more things. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">1.Sorry to the girl whose appointment was after ours. She had obviously been waiting for a looooong time, and had the receptionist call in twice. But she was young, thin, and childless. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">2. I wrote this entire post once already and blogger didn't save it.....grrrr. It was probably more accurate, with less grammatical errors the first time. </span>Tawnyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11282137644150719169noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15871966.post-12110480236245102052011-05-10T21:31:00.000-03:002015-09-14T15:05:33.891-03:00Day 24<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Really trying to stay caught up with blog posts so I <strike>will have these memories to cherish forever</strike> don't forget every last detail I just know you look forward to reading. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">First and foremost, I'm still alive. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This in itself is <strong>HUGE</strong>, considering the first two weeks were brutal. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A lot of disorientation, <span style="color: #660000;">cramps</span>, nausea, and more head pain. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I don't know what made me think I could ease through my prescriptions and dramatic food habits/changes as so many before me did with ease. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I pretty much call <a href="http://unregulatedword.blogspot.com/2010/12/doctor-will-see-you-now.html">The Doctor's</a> office once a week asking when will this all end? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hmmmm....I'm trying to think of a way to describe this for non Leaky Gut sufferers.....okay I got it.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You know when you are having the best sleep of your life in a bed with fresh sheets, room not too hot or cold, that perfect point of bliss.....and then someone comes into your room and wakes you suddenly because you are late for an appointment?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You wake up, and don't have the time to figure out if its a dream, or what day it is, or what time it is.....you just get up and know you need to do stuff but your brain has not caught up with your motor abilities. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is my new everyday. Not the whole scenario....just that feeling. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So that's 1 symptom of the overall experience when eliminating all forms of sugar. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The next symptom is the dreaded Herxeimer Reaction as the yeast die off. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I hate this one. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My body cannot tolerate even a trace amount of Nystatin (dipping a butter knife 1 cm in the powder and tapping off the excess). </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As I am typing this, I made yet another phone call and it was decided to alter the dosage again. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Tonight before bed I am tasking 1/8 tsp which is like 2 litres in Nystatin terms. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hopefully I will just sleep off whatever comes my way. Even though I can't tolerate the trace amounts, and will definitely pay for all of this, our hope is that the <strike>even more pain</strike> pain is short lived (hopefully a week). </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">While taking trace amounts is nice, all I am really doing is teasing the yeast. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They...it,...whatever you refer to yeast as, don't fear that little bit. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Some are packing up , but most have taken up permanent residence :(. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The third and final symptom is old faithful chemical sensitivity. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This drastic lifestyle change doesn't mean I can enter Walmart just yet. If anything, the sensitivity reactions are heightened. I used to have reactions and scurry home. Now I have to scurry home AND wash my body, and all clothing. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">The cravings aren't gone yet. I still dream of particular foods, and really miss fruit. Taking things day by day, and filling what little parts of my brain that are working, with these two books.</span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><a href="http://www.chapters.indigo.ca/books/Change-Your-Brain-Change-Your-Daniel-G-Amen/9780812929980-item.html?ikwid=change+your+brain+change+your+life&ikwsec=Books"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Change Your Brain Change Your Life</span></a><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> and </span><a href="http://www.chapters.indigo.ca/books/Brain-That-Changes-Itself/9780670038305-item.html?ref=item_page:richrel"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Brain That Changes Itself</span></a>. <span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm feeling</span> <span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">miserable again so it's time to</span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> summarize..... </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">~David was hospitalized for a heart condition that we are still trying to find answers about</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">~This Friday X is being treated holistically (second time ever)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">~One of the treatments used will be the </span><a href="http://masgutovamethod.com/about-the-method"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Masgutova Method</span></a><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> (first time ever)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">~I'm turning into a ball of skin.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">~Slowly getting over the fact that I have to <span style="background-color: white;"><span style="background-color: white;">touc</span>h</span>, smell, and cook extremely yummy dishes, but cannot eat them myself </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">~Our family life remains hectic, chaotic, and emotionally charged. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">~The love of my life remains supportive, strong, and funny.</span> <br />
<br />
<br />Tawnyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11282137644150719169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15871966.post-88448406642477642202011-04-19T09:01:00.001-03:002015-09-14T15:10:08.759-03:00Party Time<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRqPfnZkiqPSr33Y1rKjOmhFmSYU8CCOezOaGPfRbx-zz40BcoutXCXlit-_I-PpikQBiGU_NCURmaNtIjn_R7k6D5QCbXhDAhfpExR4zeB9KJNdBpgu3uOwevhqskIYLXsQXc9Q/s1600/IMG_8938.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="213" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRqPfnZkiqPSr33Y1rKjOmhFmSYU8CCOezOaGPfRbx-zz40BcoutXCXlit-_I-PpikQBiGU_NCURmaNtIjn_R7k6D5QCbXhDAhfpExR4zeB9KJNdBpgu3uOwevhqskIYLXsQXc9Q/s320/IMG_8938.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The weeks of begging for a party paid off. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sebastian's birthday party (later named Pokemon Party) was a success. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The bowling alley was well ventilated and the main doors were left open as it was a beautiful day! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sun was shining, kids were smiling, and I was upright....well not so much in the days to follow, but I was held it together for him that day....and of course, I left <strike>the scoring, transporting food, playing with the children,</strike> it all up to David :).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I hadn't really planned for this party so I picked a color scheme and ran with it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">All but 1 of the children who attended are <strong>mad</strong> about Pokemon so we included a 5 pack of cards which sell at the Dollarama now!!!! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sebastian went all out for this one. Not having these indulgences on a regular basis, we had a candy bar set up with juice berries, peach slices, gummy worms, smarties, gumballs, pixie sticks, suckers etc. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid7ogaaHwlpbl7a2zR3L7iPDH9CeX_cJP0u6kOhvu6dqAmwZ7CszvkD626mCruP5LVwb2_UPEyKUHhrxXnnggGr02eo8lI1skongQw9bSQCSAudLOsoHLXP3uuHDt9R1NO_ynv6A/s1600/IMG_8945.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid7ogaaHwlpbl7a2zR3L7iPDH9CeX_cJP0u6kOhvu6dqAmwZ7CszvkD626mCruP5LVwb2_UPEyKUHhrxXnnggGr02eo8lI1skongQw9bSQCSAudLOsoHLXP3uuHDt9R1NO_ynv6A/s320/IMG_8945.JPG" width="213" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Please excuse the messy cupcake frosting. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Personally, I like the<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span>raw<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> imperfect</span> look of frosting. It lets me know it hasn't come from a grocery store. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We were supposed to have 30 minutes to set up the party room, but due to a inconsolable child who was crying because he lost 1 piece of Lego (in a bowling ally) we only had 10 minutes. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is probably the reason why I didn't get a quick shot of that sweet candy bar. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The chocolate </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">were a hit! Some of the children had puzzled looks on their faces as they have never tried an icing other than </span><strike style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">cotton seed oil, monoglycerides, color, polysorbate 60, sodium stearoyl lactylate, potassium sorbate, high maltose corn syrup, artificial flavour, citric acid</strike><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Betty Crocker, but they were gobbled up.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As Sebastian is unable to have his friends in our home, this was the closest things to a play date he is going to get. Loads of smiles, lots of fun, and super <strong>cool </strong>presents.</span> </div>
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Tawnyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11282137644150719169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15871966.post-30205458397997444352011-04-18T09:18:00.003-03:002015-09-14T16:26:45.681-03:00Hallelujah<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Inspired by the Holy Scripture verse</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Take also unto thee Wheat and Barley and Beans and Lentils and Millet and Spelt and put them in one vessel and make bread of it." - EZEKIEL 4:9</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0eQli_oBn4PJhAjWS0Sv_3TY7nAkHRVhurE5DcDJTMFRHsJA4VN4L9TDAM_tHY6kTwd2V3hqXCnwIpYoJtDKQVY7xyxN_Tua4aFA6ZH-zrCmRQFmw-j0G-PpKMmahxGucV9jXZA/s1600/WholeGrainFlourlessTorti_071130154825_md.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0eQli_oBn4PJhAjWS0Sv_3TY7nAkHRVhurE5DcDJTMFRHsJA4VN4L9TDAM_tHY6kTwd2V3hqXCnwIpYoJtDKQVY7xyxN_Tua4aFA6ZH-zrCmRQFmw-j0G-PpKMmahxGucV9jXZA/s1600/WholeGrainFlourlessTorti_071130154825_md.jpg" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is the closest thing to 'church' in my life right now. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My friend Colleen has eaten </span><a href="http://foodforlife.com/sprouted-grain-difference/ezekiel-4-9.html"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ezekiel Bread</span></a><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> for the longest time so I was familiar with the product, and since we <strike>I have delegated this job to David</strike> <strike>now</strike> bake our own bread, the change in flavour is not too drastic. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You know when you move from white bread to whole wheat? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Completely different. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well from whole wheat, to homemade, with added grains isn't so bad. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So from homemade whole wheat with some grains to Ezekiel isn't much of a difference. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I used a warm one today and placed some chopped hard boiled eggs, thinly sliced green onion, cracked pepper and sea salt. This tortilla is thin but deceivingly delicious and very satisfying. So unbelievable thrilled to be able to eat (and enjoy) something like this as they are quick and nutritious. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ingredients are: Organic Sprouted Whole Wheat, Filtered Water, Organic Unhulled Sesame Seeds, Organic Sprouted Whole Soybeans, Organic Sprouted Whole Barley, Organic Sprouted Whole Millet, Organic Sprouted Whole Lentils, Organic Sprouted Whole Spelt, Sea Salt.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">.....and in case you need more details.....</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Nutritional Information per tortilla:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Calories – 150</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Calories from fat – 30</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Total Fat – 3.5g</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Saturated Fat – 0g</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Trans Fat – 0g</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Cholesterol – 0mg</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sodium 140mg</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Potassium – 150mg</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Total Carbohydrate – 24g</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dietary Fiber – 5g</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sugars – 0g</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Protein – 6g</span>Tawnyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11282137644150719169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15871966.post-91172102900041310902011-04-17T15:09:00.002-03:002015-09-14T18:21:28.473-03:00DAY 4<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There's a lot of <strike>freaking insanity</strike> mixed emotions swirling around the Barrington household these days. I have so much to say with no real strength to organize it in a nice and informative way. First of all let me mention that.....</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> <span style="font-size: x-large;">I"M DOING IT NOW!!!!!!!</span> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I know you know what I'm talking about. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's only been on my mind for months now. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here's a recap of the earlier days. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Day 1- Hunger, and breaking habits like washing grapes and eating one while I pack the boys' lunches. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I totally used up a lot of the foods I had prepared and stored that day. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Headaches were excruciating, and stomach pain was tolerable. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was able to survive my 2 tbs of glutamine powder and two doses of Nystatin. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm supposed to reach 1/4 tsp and maintain it for 6 months. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Right now, I dip 1/2 centimeter of a dry butter knife in the powder, and tap off any excess. I don't even think this dose has a measurement......but I can do it four times, and that's all that matters. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have not taken anything else, as I need to be very aware of what is causing harm, and what isn't. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Day 2 and 3 were low <span style="color: #990000;">blood</span> sugar days. Little to no energy, <span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">dizziness</span>, and more hunger. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I just wanted to have some granola or bread....anything that was easy</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Day 4, which is today. I'm filled with resentment and anger. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Craving everything from a </span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>smoothie</em></span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, to a </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em><span style="color: #e69138;">apple pie</span></em> </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">with </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>ice cream</em></span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. I know this will pass, as I keep reminding myself..."It's just food." That's all it is. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you are fortunate enough not to associate food with celebrations, use them for comfort, then you are very very lucky. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I probably should have dealt with the last of my food </span><strong style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">demons</span></strong><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> before embarking on this new journey....but that would take a lifetime. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One more major Autism upset, or a divorce, might have me nearing 300lbs. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm maintaining for now....largely because of the types of food I eat, but as a person with </span><em style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">'food in mouth'</em><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> issues, this could change as quick as the weather :).</span>Tawnyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11282137644150719169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15871966.post-22281150071657599962011-04-07T12:09:00.002-03:002015-09-14T18:32:04.508-03:00Rock Bottom<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well....I've finally <em>hit it</em>. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So mentally and physically beaten that the only place to go is <em>up</em>. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At times like these I try to look at the positive side of things....at least I won't have to wonder what happens when </span><a href="http://www.leakygut.co.uk/About%20Leaky%20Gut.htm"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Leaky Gut Syndrome</span></a><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> is left untreated. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I say <em>untreated</em>, as there is no <em>partial</em> treatment (which is what I've been doing). </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I forced David to take a day off work so he could drive me/help me/take care of the kids during the day. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There is no way we can get anything accomplished in the hours after 5:00, so having him home allowed me to think, rest, and plan. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span>loved it, and it gave me the jump start I so <em>desperately</em> needed. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Currently My head continually feels like this....</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and my <span style="color: #274e13;">stomach</span> feels like this poor woman looks</span> </div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">ewwwwwww (I know), but that's the only visual I could find to accurately reflect the everyday lousy<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-weight: bold;">.</span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So I called the bowling alley to reserve a date for Sebastian's Birthday party. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We really tried talking him out of a party, but his heart was set on it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you have ever witnessed his ginormous Bambi eyes swelling with tears, you would understand how easy it was for me to forget how bad I will feel after this whole shindig and say, "Of course you can have a party, sweetie."</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjs6d5vH8_gvvHkd76dJoH6WYcMPpfZqeA0Y-s6JwNEmzzzXZeMj6gbvo1nU5aRUkWr7WI1EqyfDQZZE8lpVIM6u2vYKXhQlPizm1Xdrs8JMgCz7R-YCzyGiqXcqVqAL7i1_gVm4Q/s1600/IMG_1429.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjs6d5vH8_gvvHkd76dJoH6WYcMPpfZqeA0Y-s6JwNEmzzzXZeMj6gbvo1nU5aRUkWr7WI1EqyfDQZZE8lpVIM6u2vYKXhQlPizm1Xdrs8JMgCz7R-YCzyGiqXcqVqAL7i1_gVm4Q/s200/IMG_1429.jpg" width="133" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I wrote the date of said event, as well as as other important stuff I needed to remember. I walk around like I'm auditioning for a role in </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memento_(film)"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Memento</span></a><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">.....looking at pieces of paper....scribbles..odd numbers and parts of recipes. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It really is quite funny. No, I don't mean that I think this <strong>whole mess</strong> is so funny that I can giggle it away, but I wouldn't hesitate to howl at this situation if it were portrayed in a half hour sitcom on <strike>FOX</strike>, <strike>CBS</strike>, <strike>NBC,</strike> <strike>ABC</strike>, HBO. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Anyway.....I sit down at the computer 15 minutes after reserving the location and looked at this puzzling date (April 10th @ 3:30) that was circled and highlighted. What was this date? What did it mean? Was it something important? Swimming lessons? The marriage of Prince William and Kate? </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Time to change the batteries in our smoke detector? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After an hour, I gave up and asked David if he had any idea its significance. He told me and I thought about what was really happening to my brain....and how often this happens.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Earlier this week, I had a piece of a banana and lost vision in my left eye. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Recalling is now taking too much effort so I'm stopping here, as I still have to edit the shit out of this blog post. Spell check doesn't even recognize what I've wrote, so I can't even rely on it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm really contemplating placing an ad on Kijiji.....looking for someone who wants to take care of me (for free).....and possibly pick up, and drop off little ones. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Am I reaching too far? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You don't think loads of complete strangers would respond so they could work without pay? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We (David is finally on board) have finally reached the stage where we can start preparing enough food for a week or two. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When others ask me why I haven't started this yet....or what is taking up so much time that I couldn't possible take care of my own needs, I want to scream. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Just because <em>I</em> feel like shit, doesn't mean that my children don't need breakfast, dinner, and supper. Plus homework, extra curricular activities, and general attention. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">These things don't stop. <strong>EVER</strong>. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am usually strung out on the couch, with a couple of so-so days in between. During those few hours where I am actually upright.....I don't have the energy to do all of it on my own.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I had one more hiccup regarding ingredients. I didn't notice there was yeast extract in my organic chicken broth. This cost us one more night, and David needed to go to Canadian Tire and purchase a 12 Quart stock pot. I know preparing my own stocks is best, but I was trying to find at least one shortcut. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Simmering a whole chicken and vegetables for 5 hours so you can eat for the week is <strong>not</strong> a shortcut, which is why I am getting it done and over with by making extremely large batches, along with beef and vegetable stock. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Almost there....Rome wasn't built in a day you know! </span></div>
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Tawnyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11282137644150719169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15871966.post-11254339655830320732011-03-13T22:23:00.002-03:002011-07-14T10:12:58.560-03:00On My Way<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Alright it's..time to talk about this damn <strike>no sugar, yeast, nuts, seeds, dairy, soy</strike> diet. At first I was thinking..."If I just continue to read the </span><a href="http://askwaltstollmd.com/archives/lgs/259981.html"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Nystatin Reviews</span></a><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> and stalk the Facebook/yahoo groups reading what those currently on this type of diet wrote about the life altering changes.....it won't be so bad.".......Ummm...yeah,.....that's it. <strike>Keep dreaming</strike> That's all I will need. So like I mentioned, I had a few things purchased, and decided to dive in. I got the 'dive' part correct :).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">First Attempt. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I went to bed the night before with no real plan. I wanted to begin on a Sunday. That was my only plan. I think I purchased eggs, and water. A failure to plan is a plan to....I get it, I get it. I took my Nystatin,Glutamine powder and Fish Oil. This placed me in a state of stomach pain, nausea, and later on...hunger. I ate eggs, plain oatmeal, more eggs, and more oatmeal. You can see where this is going. By the end of the day I figured I must be doing something wrong with my dosages. I was....then I cried, caved, and stopped.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Second Attempt.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Clearly I needed reinforcement or at the very least, an idea of what I could eat. I can understand how this sounds ridiculously stupid. "What in the heck does she mean, she doesn't know what to eat? Just don't eat anything with sugar or yeast dummy!" I found </span><a href="http://www.theyeastdiet.com/"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">this</span></a><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> site and purchased the downloadable cookbook. I have nothing more to say about this matter. So I think I'm armed with <strike>delicious</strike> very basic recipes, one bad <em>'first time'</em>, and a mission to live...how could I fail this time? The short answer is that we went on a road trip. There is nothing you can take with you to eat. I didn't have enough time to get to the Bulk Barn to purchase my 4-6 allotted almonds that I had intended to make last for the entire day.....can you see why people lose weight on this diet? It's not because they are eating healthy....it's because they aren't eating! By 6pm, I had withered away to nothing. Okay,I'm exaggerating, but I felt like one of my 75 pound thighs fell to 73 pounds (oh the horror!) and I felt terrible. I cried, caved, and ate bread.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So here I stand. I know two things now. First thing is that for this to work, I need to cook a week in advance. Soups, stews, rice with veggies. Notice there is no 'etc'? That's the extent of it. Second thing is that I cannot go mad trying to think about substitutions. There is no substitution for sugar, and I'm not going to try to sweeten my plain oatmeal with 17 packets of Xylitol, or make a pancake with whole wheat flour, goats milk and no butter, or maple syrup. I must relinquish the fact that this is how it has to be for a while. Oh dear Lord, I just thought of BBQ season and hamburgers.....big juicy hamburgers without a bun or BBQ sauce and condiments. Okay, I'm still a work in progress. I did email a stranger in a desperate attempt for support. This is what she replied regarding day 2 of the diet:</span><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><em><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Did you read Twilight? It's like being a vampire who isn't allowed to eat humans, and humans are surrounding you everywhere. It's torture =) Stay strong! Veronica</span></em> </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I later learned that Veronica threw herself off a bridge. Actually that's not <strike>true at all</strike> entirely true, but it would make for a great story!</span>Tawnyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11282137644150719169noreply@blogger.com0