I had a really bad last week????
David asked me before bedtime what makes me happy and I told him 2 television shows.
He's like "Nothing else makes you happy?"
Nope.
I then reminded him of my daily fantasy....the one where I put my face down in a pillow and either die or remain semi conscious until the end of the day.
This never happens.
I love dark humour and I love that I am married to a man who accepts my darkness.
Wendy and Colleen are the only two humans I can express my bizarre sense of humour without social services being called.
Everywhere I turn, I am bombarded with ways to live your life and ways to live stress free and find eternal happiness.
What if you just be yourself?
Being my 'true self' makes me happy and stress free.
Unfortunately it terrifies others.
So that's my problem.
Recently I met someone.
One who I know a bit about.
Well enough to know that if she knew the real me I doubt it if she would make eye contact ever again.
I like this woman.
We talk and share briefly and our kids play well together.
I'd like to have her as more than an acquaintance but to move her into the friend category would be risky.
I had two amazing acquaintances in Dartmouth who, when I tried this, fled the scene.
It takes a really strong individual to be my friend. I am a basket case, borderline schizophrenic depressed, and always fighting some system, and I love to complain.
But if someone couldn't handle all of me and my messy brain, are they really worth it anyway?
I am such an all or nothing type of gal. Why can't I just keep my mouth shut and have the shallow friendships everyone else has.
1 comment:
Tawnya, keeping your mouth shut and having "shallow" friendships aren't worth it at all. I have a lot of aquaintances...not very many friends. I could really relate to what you were saying here. I can get very dark...and my sense of humour...well, it frightens a lot of ppl. I've learned to censor it at work, around other parents. I've met really nice ppl, that it would be cool to be more than an aquaintance, but I know it wouldn't fly. I have two friends that really get me, and having matching senses of humour. We've actually discussed creating a suicide how to guide in the past. I look at people who have 5 and 6 really close girlfriends...and I envy them sometimes, but I always wonder how close those relationships really are....
Tamika
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