When Nightgown's Go Wrong

A recent purchase of $12 pajamas got  me thinking about my absolute obsession with all things comfortable.  

This is no joke. 

I began taking an unusual interest in nightgowns somewhere in high school. 

I had loads from Zellers, and always got a new one at Christmas, but closer to graduation I visited La Senza in Truro and started taking advantage of the 2/$30 sleepwear not day wear deal.  

I would show you picture but they don't carry this non stripper style any longer.  

Nonetheless, heavier girls, could still hold their head up with some dignity in a La Senza store during the mid 90's.  This didn't matter to me, as I was not as heavy  could still be viewed as a patron content with my basic nightgowns. 

So content that I began to upgrade and wear the special ones outside.  

Yes, outside of my apartment.  

Not to check the mail, not to water the garden there was no garden at Brother Street apartments......outside....like to shop, with friends etc.  

Sort of like an outfit reserved for church on Sunday.  My friend Tamara can attest to this.  She would show up and ask me when I was getting dressed.  

I wondered what she meant by this? 

How could this foolish girl be asking me such questions? 

Did I not look dressed already?  

Thinking back with a grin... not at all.  I was clearly leaving the house in a night gown.  Plain and simple.  

I moved and took my tattered, faded nightgowns along with me for the journey.  

At university, I think the only time I was wearing clothes was when I was trying to use my fake I.D.  

In Toronto, the only reason I didn't wear them was because I would have appeared homeless, or like a homeless prostitute. 

Either way, I fought the urge, and wore regular clothing.  

This is when I expanded and purchased items from la Vie en Rose. 

Obviously, I had to raise my standards while living at relatives/friends homes (out of my suitcase).  

My cousin's (Tanya) cousin (Nadine) used her discount for some things I fancied,  but I never found these practical....like they were meant for one thing only. Duh?  

And what purpose does a lingerie store usually serve?  

It was like I was betraying my babies ratty, and tatty!  

I could never give up good ol' faithfuls.  

Jump to 1999. 

I have this etched in my head like a survivor of a brutal attack.  

I was in my bedroom minding my own business when out of nowhere comes my roommate (Craig), who started going on about my nightgowns. 

Was this boy sick in the head?  What in the fuck is he talking about?  

All I hear are the words... "I'm tired, they're old, have holes, please get rid of, you've been wearing these forever, take them off!"  

Stunned and in disbelief that someone would dare confront me about ratty and tatty, I just shrugged it off as if this were something Craig and I would joke about an hour later.  

Nope.  

Apparently, Craig's speech also included actions, and he was so sick of my La Senza nightgown that he decided to rip it at the shoulders so I could no longer wear it.  

He meant business.  

Should I have been surprised?  

I mean, a week earlier, our next door neighbor attacked Craig and attempted to bite off his ear.  

She was not in UFC.....well maybe she is now.  

All I know is that Angie was in ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics), had a dog that pooped everywhere, and gave us a couch that said dog probably shit all over. 

Did I mention that I was into Fe Breeze back then, and that Craig is gay.....just so you don't think his fury was a clever attempt to have wild jungle sex or anything.  

So that was that.  A saga ended.  

If there was a milk crate outside my apartment door, I just might have played the blues...(if I knew how to play the guitar).  

Skip ahead to 2002.  Xavier is born, and I am totally submerged into the world of 'mom clothes'.  

People accept anything when they know you've had a baby.  No bra?  No problem.  Shirt on inside out and backwards?  Who Cares?  

I found myself home a lot, and not losing the baby weight that everyone said I would once I started breastfeeding started gaining weight.  

No longer am I able to purchase the 2/30$ nightgowns at the finer shops.  

I've got Walmart to meet my needs.  

And since I was already going there for everything else, I could now look for styles (I think I am the only one who uses styles and nightgowns in the same sentence), to flatter my leaky boobs, and gunt ever growing figure.  

People are coming to see my baby, and I'm not getting dressed.  

Just greeting them in my comfy clothes nightgowns.  

Somewhere along the way, I figured these nightgowns were as acceptable as a t-shirt and jogging pants????  

They are not.  

They serve two entirely different purposes.  

I don't even think I've seen David's entire family in anything but.  

I can honestly say they have every right to question his choice to marry me.  

Enter the 4X nightgown.  

Now what some of you may not know is that when you are wearing a 4X nightgown, everyone around you knows it's a Moo Moo. 

I was walking around with my head held high in a fucking Moo Moo!  

God....did my brains just slip out with all of that milk I was producing?  

How did I get to this point?  

I didn't aspire to be an extra on 'Hee Haw'.....I didn't want to be the 'before' in a weight loss ad.  

Well I am happy to report that I am back on track.  

I still use that 4X nightgown for a tarp to cover the garbage bags so that pesky crows don't destroy it before the truck comes along, and I am almost over my nightgown addiction.  

I purchased two very cute summer pajamas in an XL (pajamas run a lot larger than regular clothes), and my mom got me a very pretty set from Winners. 

David is trying to convince me to wear all three out of the house.  

Based on the hours I spend watching A&E, I guess he's what you might call an 'enabler'.

But I say... "No David!"  "I have a disease that could spiral out of control with a few extra dollars and trip to Walmart for toilet paper!" 

"I must respect this attire and it's purpose." 

 Each day is a struggle, but I'm a survivor ;).