Well well well....look who is finally under 200lbs.
199.5 (at the perfect time of day), but I don't care...it's a milestone.
The last time I was this weight, was before I was pregnant with X.
Did you ever notice how people describe other overweight people?
They judge by increments of 50 lbs.
"Holy shit! Did you see that lady? She must have weighed 300lbs!"
"My God, he was at least 250lbs!"
"After the birth of her second baby she was tipping the scales at 200lbs!"
Twenty pounds lighter and I would be the weight I was when I met David.
Before you get ahead of yourself and think, "Holy shit...this girls gonna have a smokin' hot body (for those of you that adore a Jordin Sparks type body), both before and after her recent weight loss.
Let me inform you that my body just isn't the same.
It has morphed and shifted so much over the past decade.
My breasts are droopy and exhausted from being ballooned out, and then deflated so they might supply milk for my three children.
Losing weight in the tummy area is confusing and I still resemble a victim attacked by a wolf (stretchmarks).
I never really got hung up on these beauties.
They come with the territory, and as long as I have no desire to flaunt this area, it's like 'out of sight, out of mind'.
David thinks they are sexy???
Probably some strange fetish he's picked up online or something :).
He says they remind him of three amazing children, and says my body has provided their home, nutrients, food supply, warmth.....and how could you not find this incredibly beautiful?
I guess it's a husband/wife thing, and I am very fortunate to have a couple of things on my body that I don't have to feel self conscious about.
So I can still be described with great disgust in any given conversation, but I really didn't try to lose weight, I just ended up eating foods that do not cause weight gain must say that I like getting rid of some fat.
I can play Frisbee, and see my feet....I even saw a vein in my right foot, like athletes have.
What I don't like is loose excess skin, and a frail gaunt face.
This could be me.
After spending 2 weeks worrying, David asked me what exactly would I be wearing that would allow everyone to see these 'so called' imperfections???
He has a point.
Even if I was thin, my style has never been/ nor will be, mid drift tops and daisy dukes.
I am accepting what I have to work with and making the best of it.
Accepting that weight has come off faster than anticipated, and I spent the first month or so very weak so I was unable to tone and build muscle. That's it.
There's nothing I could have done (the diet was inevitable, and so was the fatigue that followed).
I continue to put things off....rarely being able to pour myself into more than two things at a time.
I can play Frisbee, and see my feet....I even saw a vein in my right foot, like athletes have.
What I don't like is loose excess skin, and a frail gaunt face.
This could be me.
After spending 2 weeks worrying, David asked me what exactly would I be wearing that would allow everyone to see these 'so called' imperfections???
He has a point.
Even if I was thin, my style has never been/ nor will be, mid drift tops and daisy dukes.
I am accepting what I have to work with and making the best of it.
Accepting that weight has come off faster than anticipated, and I spent the first month or so very weak so I was unable to tone and build muscle. That's it.
There's nothing I could have done (the diet was inevitable, and so was the fatigue that followed).
I continue to put things off....rarely being able to pour myself into more than two things at a time.
My 2 Maxi dresses have helped a lot.
I really like the areas beneath my chin/above my breasts, and the flow/length just covers everything else.
They make me feel whimsical.
You just throw one on and 'forget about it' (Italian accent).
Uh oh.....I just thought about something.
Is this just an excuse to wear a long nightgown?
And why in the heck has this weight thing been with me like a favorite blanket since......forever?
Before questionable mental well being, before children....it was weight.
I really wish I was put in one of those groups for tweens that promotes positive self esteem, body image, empowerment etc.
This might have helped....but ultimately, I did too many things alone....including developing a distorted association with food.
The first time I was told I was fat was in grade 5 or 6, by one of my mom's boyfriends. He said I was fat just like her. She laughed it off, and said I wasn't.
At that time, I didn't know that I wasn't overweight, but that one sentence set some wheels in motion.
I had full control over snacks, breakfast, and lunch (often dinner too). No child will choose a healthy option, especially if one wasn't readily available in the home.
I didn't even know what healthy eating was. I knew I was hungry, and lonely. Not hungry like a homeless child, but hungry enough not be satisfied by 1 box of Kraft Dinner, so I would just add more....or eat toast....or buy chips and pop on the way back to school.
I always liked eating at my friend Colleen's.
Dinner was at the same time every day, and everything was portioned. Her mom had full control over the food in this house.
At first it seemed obsessive, but now I understand she was trying to establish some healthy eating patterns.
I liked that everyone gathered around a table and shared things about their day.
I even liked the clean up.
It was always sad returning home.
I really like the areas beneath my chin/above my breasts, and the flow/length just covers everything else.
They make me feel whimsical.
You just throw one on and 'forget about it' (Italian accent).
Uh oh.....I just thought about something.
Is this just an excuse to wear a long nightgown?
And why in the heck has this weight thing been with me like a favorite blanket since......forever?
Before questionable mental well being, before children....it was weight.
I really wish I was put in one of those groups for tweens that promotes positive self esteem, body image, empowerment etc.
This might have helped....but ultimately, I did too many things alone....including developing a distorted association with food.
The first time I was told I was fat was in grade 5 or 6, by one of my mom's boyfriends. He said I was fat just like her. She laughed it off, and said I wasn't.
At that time, I didn't know that I wasn't overweight, but that one sentence set some wheels in motion.
I had full control over snacks, breakfast, and lunch (often dinner too). No child will choose a healthy option, especially if one wasn't readily available in the home.
I didn't even know what healthy eating was. I knew I was hungry, and lonely. Not hungry like a homeless child, but hungry enough not be satisfied by 1 box of Kraft Dinner, so I would just add more....or eat toast....or buy chips and pop on the way back to school.
I always liked eating at my friend Colleen's.
Dinner was at the same time every day, and everything was portioned. Her mom had full control over the food in this house.
At first it seemed obsessive, but now I understand she was trying to establish some healthy eating patterns.
I liked that everyone gathered around a table and shared things about their day.
I even liked the clean up.
It was always sad returning home.
2 comments:
This is awesome! I hope to be there by the end of the year. You are right about the 50lbs thing. I remember when I was like "OMG! She weighs 200 lbs!" Now I'm at 247! Crap. How did that happen? Congratulations! Team Tawnya!
Thanks for the encouragement! I have in my possession, a Pilates DVD which I hope helps me tone. People cannot believe that I don't want to lose anymore weight, or that my goal weight is still their idea of obese:). I'm just hoping that some new habits were formed in the past 100 days, or a year from now I'll be writing a post about gaining it all back. No, I'm done with Walmart and their options. I think that's all the motivation I need!
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